If you're reading this it means that I have survived the year. It means there was no apocalypse. There was no other catastrophe. 2012 in review has been a wild ride. It has been one of the most difficult and most fulfilling of my life.
Professionally my year began rocky but has ended on a positive note. At the end of January I was branded in a certain way, calling my credibility and character in question with little reason. I made changes, I changed from 2nd to 1st shift. I got a peer coach who believed in me and continues to assist me. I had a new boss who supported and encouraged me and I took on new duties and continued to prove myself. I am inevitably swimming upstream it seems. A few days ago I received feedback from my boss that all is not lost.
Personally is a different story. Friendships. Friendships have nurtured, ended, created and thrived.
I have lost 6 friends this year. Six. One of my oldest and best friends died this year from liver failure. Rikki Lee was a very important part of my becoming an adult and a good friend. I miss his humor, his stories and just his presence. I think back on so many things he and I shared over our 10 year friendship and I am taken aback at how much of my character is in part due to him.
I am getting better at being a good judge of character. I am trying to start everyone out equally and to ensure that I don't get used. I have only 2 friends that I've had for over 5 years. We have been through death, divorce, weight loss, foreclosures and actual happy moments. For the longest time I was beaten down thinking that there was something internally wrong with me. I have always been good at making friends but not keeping them. That there is some sort of reason I don't retain friendships for very long. But I've now come to the conclusion that it's other people's problem. I know in my heart that I am a good friend. Despite my rough exterior, people who know...know that I'm a marshmallow.
I have met a group of amazing people this year that I hope to know for the rest of my life. Thank you to: Ann, Christine, Meg, Kira, Amy, Kelly, Bryant, Dave, Tina, Lauren, Tank, John, Rhonda, David, Thuy, Bao, David, Jeff, Tabitha, Craig, Julie, JD, Jen, Paige, Paul, Natalie, Ian, Matt, Glenn, Sharon, Stephanie, Laura, David, Bob, Erin Marie, Bob, Kristen, Ethan, Maria, Rich, Anna, Nathan, Andi, Maureen, Mandira, Josh, Stuart, Missy, Julie, Duy, Monika, Dolf, Mike, Kristie, Lisa, Abigail, Colin and Phil. Yep. Those are my friends. I invite you that at if you are ever at a place where you feel a little bit low you should make a list of your friends. It will immediately lift your spirits, I promise.
Romantically is another story. I'll soon be moving out of the home that I shared for nearly 7 years. Dividing shared personal possessions is single handedly the worst thing I have ever had to do. There are days that have been easy. Other days have been really, really difficult. But realizing what you want is different than what you have is really difficult to do. It's even more difficult to change it. I don't normally consider myself overly brave but I feel like I am now.
I try to live my life using the encouraging words of my heroes. Winston Churchill said "Victory in spite of all terror". While my personal and professional life is not quite the same as winning a war against the Nazis. But it's good advice for anyone.
So I've changed my work, I've changed my relationship, friendships and appearance. I feel like at times I've taken on too much and have set myself up for failure. I hope it's worth it when I get to the other side.